Tag Archives: one man army

On Deadly Ground

(1994, US, Warner Bros.)

Dir. Steven Seagal; Pro. A. Kitman Ho, Julius R. Nasso, Steven Seagal; Scr. Ed Horowitz, Robin U. Russin; Cast Steven Seagal, Michael Caine, Joan Chen, John C. McGinley, R. Lee Ermey, Shari Shattuck, Billy Bob Thornton.

101 min.

A studio sanctioned thought-piece from Steven Seagal (surely an oxymoron if ever there was one?) which pushes his politics more than his muscle, producing a head-scratching environmentally-conscious takedown of Big Oil and their exploitation of indigenous communities and the environment. The message is about as subtle as one of Seagal’s trademark aikido chops, but nonetheless a remarkably bold statement for a huge studio like Warner Brothers to endorse, who openly throw their dollars behind the chef from Under Siege with the ponytail to work as director, producer, star and chief activist.

That’s one argument. Another would be this is confused sanctimonious twaddle, and questions should probably be raised as to whether Seagal is best fit to act as spokesperson for the environment’s cause. For starters, in championing the voice of polite political discourse and spiritual wisdom as a means of combating conglomerates, he somewhat undermines his own argument the second he starts breaking skulls and unleashing rounds from a 10 gauge shotgun. And surely strapping bombs to an established oil refinery (like during the final act) carries its own environmental concerns, not to mention a huge loss of innocent life?

As Forrest Taft, Seagal starts the film as a mystical damage control specialist for an oil corporation run like a mafia syndicate, who act as something of a metaphor for western white imperialism. They are run by Michael Caine playing a shouty, unpleasant, hypocritical tycoon who says lines like, “To hell with those goddamn Eskimos,” when the tribal council in Alaska oppose the opening of a new oil refinery.

But Taft has the best lines. In one scene, he sends a barroom bully into an existential tailspin when he asks, “What does it take to change the essence of a man?”, just before landing a few extra punches to his head for good measure. When workers uncover the company’s use of faulty technology as the cause of a recent spill, Caine goes into crisis mode and his cronies start bumping off the staff. This includes an attempt on Taft who narrowly escapes another explosion before being nursed back to health by Joan Chen and her native Inuit tribe of earthy spiritualists. Taft then undergoes a curious hallucinogenic montage where he imagines killing a bear – which is certainly strange –  but his enlightenment is quickly disregarded in favour of Rambo on horseback, as Seagal and Chen are pursued through the Alaskan wilderness by Caine’s hired goons. The film ends on a lecture featuring plankton stats.

As an action film there are moments of excitement but this far from Under Siege, and as a director Seagal seems more concerned about winning a Nobel Peace Prize than an Oscar. Which may explain why he hasn’t been allowed to direct a film since.

Sudden Death

(1995, US, Universal Pictures)

Dir. Peter Hyams; Pro. Howard Baldwin, Moshe Diamant; Scr. Gene Quintano; Cast Jean-Claude Van Damme, Powers Boothe, Raymond J. Barry, Whittni Wright, Ross Malinger.

111 min.

Timecop director Peter Hyams tackles a second big budget Van Damme vehicle with a similarly light touch, setting Die Hard at an ice hockey stadium and putting the action star through his paces as an indestructible firefighter. A secret service nutjob (Boothe, channeling Alan Rickman) and his team of terrorists hijack the Stanley Cup final, strapping bombs to the building and holding the vice president and his entourage hostage. Van Damme’s a divorced fire warden with tickets to the big game, taking his kids along only for his daughter to be nabbed by the crooks. Van Damme goes rogue and before too long he’s diffusing bombs and manufacturing crude homemade weapons with stuff he finds lying about the place. There are quite a few really silly moments (particularly at the end when the film loses its mind), but by far the silliest moment is the fight with a giant penguin mascot.

Under Siege

(1992, France/US, Canal+/Warner Bros.)

Dir. Andrew Davis; Pro. Arnon Milchan, Steven Reuther, Steven Seagal; Scr. J.F. Lawton; Action Dir. Steven Seagal; Cast Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak, Patrick O’Neal, Damian Chapa, Troy Evans.

102 min.

Seagal’s most popular film is a stocky, ham fisted, cliché ridden macho fest of the highest order, and probably the pinnacle of his bone-busting career, which speaks volumes. As great action movies go, this is up there with your Commando‘s and your Die Hard‘s, but that may be because this is essentially just Die Hard on a boat.

Not just any boat, mind. We’re on board the iconic USS Missouri battleship, location for the Japanese surrender which ultimately ended the Second World War. On its final voyage, the entertainment – a country band led by Tommy Lee Jones on full lunatic mode – whip out heavy rounds of artillery and shoot their way into the control room, holding the crew hostage and locking the ship’s missiles onto Honolulu, for some reason.

But they don’t bank on the ship’s chef – ex-Navy SEAL Casey Ryback (Seagal, complete with trademark ponytail). Demoted due to his renegade antics (“Sometimes you gotta question authority”), he can still manufacture highly dangerous explosives from little more than a condom and some string.

Ryback is considered a threat by the terrorists and chucked into a fridge, only for him to fight his way out and stay incognito long enough to free a rabble of plucky hostages and sort them into a crack team of resistance fighters. This includes a buxom stripper (Eleniak, from Baywatch) who successfully meets the film’s chauvinistic quota of both nudity and dumbness.

Director Andrew Davis would hone his more political muscles a year later on The Fugitive, but thankfully he lets Seagal’s muscles take centre stage here. It’s a perfect vehicle for the actor’s steely wisdom, violent chops and limited vocabulary. Endearingly, he takes the film quite seriously, especially compared to Jones and Gary Busey who both seem to be having a great time.

Like the best and most dated action films, the line between being so-bad-it’s-good and genuinely exciting is a blurry one. But it’s bullshit at its best, and Seagal has been chasing this dream ever since.

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds

(2011, US, Event Film/Brightlight Pictures)

Dir. Uwe Boll; Pro. Dan Clarke; Scr. Michael Nachoff; Cast Dolph Lundgren, Lochlyn Munro, Natassia Malthe, Christina Jastrzembska.

96 min.

Barmy fantasy sequel in which retired one man army Lundgren returns home to find a medieval damsel in distress fighting hooded assassins in his kitchen, before they both escape through a time portal and rock up in a cheap episode of Game of Thrones. In this other realm, Dolph Lundgren is considered to be the Chosen One (ha!) who must rescue the peasant folk from an evil tyrant. The film culminates in a dodgy CGI dragon fight. It’s the kind of film where people don’t die but rather “pass from this world”. The ‘olde’ English script is a mess of archaic jargon. Lundgren makes a moronic leader, something clearly omitted from the prophecy.

Command Performance

(2009, US, Nu Image/Millennium Films)

Dir. Dolph Lundgren; Pro. Danny Lerner, Les Weldon; Scr. Steve Latshaw, Dolph Lundgren; Action Dir. Barry Evans; Cast Dolph Lundgren, Melissa Molinaro, Hristo Shopov, Dave Legeno, Clement von Franckenstein.

93 min.

A Lundgren vanity project disguised as an action film and designed as an exercise in showcasing his drumming abilities. The incongruous premise sees Lundgren as the drummer in a rock band who uses his maiming skills to take down Soviet terrorists who hold the Russian President hostage at a charity gig. There are equal measures of violence and music but far less acting.

Ong-Bak 3

(2010, Thailand, Iyara Films)

Dir. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai; Pro. Tony Jaa, Somsak Techaratanaprasert; Scr. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai; Action Dir. Tony Jaa; Cast Tony Jaa, Sorapong Chatree, Nirut Sirichanya, Dan Chupong.

95 min.

The culmination of Tony Jaa’s historical Thai opus is underwhelming, given the butchering it has received at the hands of producers hoping to recoup on an overblown budget. The extra segments are glaringly obvious, added as an attempt to compensate for the serious lapses in story-telling and acting to further muddle the film.

Picking up from part two – which ended in incoherence – this follow up shows Tien’s capture, torture, rescue, reincarnation and recuperation in the arms of his Buddhist mentors and childhood sweetheart, retraining his broken bones through dance and without the aide of a chiropractor.

The villain, a dark arts crow-like ghost killer with a neat trick of possessing souls who was briefly seen amid the confusion at the end of Ong-Bak: The Beginning, slays the King and assumes his position. The most confusing bit is the end, which makes use of a superb action sequence where feet fly atop the bodies of an elephant herd, only for the action to rewind (actually rewind) into new footage of Tien and the Crow Ghost battling it out.

Despite showing great aplomb behind the camera as well as in front, Jaa’s dream project is a sorry, stressful mess.

Ong-Bak: The Beginning

(2008, Thailand, Sahamongkol Film Co.)

Dir. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai; Pro. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai, Prachya Pinkaew; Scr. Panna Rittikrai; Action Dir. Tony Jaa; Cast Tony Jaa, Sorapong Chatree, Sarunyu Wongkrachang, Dan Chupong.

98 min.

After establishing an on-screen persona for himself as Thailand’s impressionable young country boy, Tony Jaa – the Mowgli of martial arts – immerses himself into a narcissistic historical epic in which he directs, produces and stars.

Having already won over the hearts of fight fans around the world with two blistering showcases (2003’s Ong-Bak, 2005’s Warrior King), we can perhaps forgive him slightly for pushing the boat out with this one.

It’s a follow up to his debut feature Ong-Bak which predates the original story by some 600 years. The link in narrative terms relates to a gold statue of Buddha – the head of which was blasphemously pinched by a criminal syndicate in the first film.

Here, the statue (head firmly in place) belongs to the ruling Ayutthaya Kingdom in 15th century Thailand. A young boy of royal descent is thrown into a feral wilderness to dodge a lunatic warlord attempting to seize power. He is protected, raised and taught to fight by a bandit gang after narrowly escaping a crocodile attack under the Neanderthal gaze of his former captors.

The young boy, Tien (Jaa), grows into a discernibly angst-ridden yet mildly compassionate twenty-something who leads the bandits into a head on collision with the corrupt and the corrupted, inevitably setting himself on course to learning some untold truths about his blighted past.

The stage is set for a grand finale, but in a daft anticlimax, the movie culminates in a frustrating cliffhanger, further adding to the endemically cursed nature of the film which wears the scars of its troubled production all too plainly.

During filming, Jaa – under duress from the Sahamongkol studio – disappeared from set after the film went disastrously over budget and way beyond deadline, leaving local investors to recruit Jaa’s long time associate Panna Rittikrai (rushing to finish the film Chocolate with JeeJa Yanin) to help save the film.

As a way of recouping its losses, the footage was edited to create another sequel, Ong-Bak 3, forcing some truly nonsensical plot twists along the way. The last half hour is a relentless barrage of Jaa-induced crippling, which is all quite exciting but does seem to be stalling for time, contrasting greatly with the delicate, non-linear back-story carefully created for Tien’s character.

Despite Jaa’s apparent breakdown, he displays promising signs as a director, taking great pleasure in staging his gratifying pugilism against a backdrop of gorgeous set design. Ultimately, though, it’s a complete mess.

AKA: Ong-Bak 2

Warrior King

(2005, Thailand, Sahamongkol Film Co./Baa-Ram-Ewe/Golden Network Asia Ltd./TF1 Films Productions)

Dir. Prachya Pinkaew; Pro. Prachya Pinkaew, Sukanya Vongsthapat; Scr. Napalee, Piyaros Thongdee, Joe Wannapin, Kongdej Jaturanrasamee; Action Dir. Panna Rittikrai, Tony Jaa; Cast Tony Jaa, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Bongkoj Khongmalai, Xing Jing, Nathan Jones, Johnny Nguyen, Lateef Crowder.

108 min.

Tony Jaa cements his standing as the best thing in modern martial arts cinema with this follow up to Ong-Bak which treads a similar narrative path, offering more in the way of Muay Thai madness.

Jaa returns as another naïve but enlightened country boy who travels to Australia to retrieve a stolen elephant (honestly) which has been nabbed by Chinese poachers and thrown on the barby. Jaa doesn’t much care for this, so with the resonating cry of, “You killed my elephant!” he unleashes hell’s fury with his trademark knee and elbow strikes.

Pinkaew directs with an almost fetishist enthusiasm for his leading man’s athletic capabilities. Therefore, the film sees Thailand’s proudest export escalate walls in lightening quick time in repeats of Ong-Bak’s breathtaking chase scenes. This sequence is beaten only by a full five minute Steadicam routine in which Jaa maims an entire building’s worth of fighters in a single take, culminating in a mass of bone-breaking which takes the film’s pain threshold to wince-inducing levels.

Tony also finds time to square off with a trio of foreign opponents, including a high-flying Capoeria fighter and the burly Nathan Jones. Jaa is pretty much indestructible – a visceral amalgamation of Bruce Lee‘s intensity and Jackie Chan‘s athletics – and alongside Ong-Bak he has driven two of the most breathtaking martial arts films ever made, all despite an unfortunate penchant for neckerchiefs.

AKA: Honour of the Dragon; The Protector; Revenge of the Warrior; Thai Dragon; Tom Yum Goong

Ong-Bak

(2003, Thailand, Sahamongkol Film Co.)

Dir. Prachya Pinkaew; Pro. Prachya Pinkaew, Sukanya Vongsthapat; Scr. Suphachai Sittiaumponpan; Action Dir. Panna Rittikrai, Tony Jaa; Cast Tony Jaa, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Pumwaree Yodkamol, Suchoa Pongvilai, Wannakit Siriput.

105 min.

The most exciting post-millennial Asian success was, surprisingly, of Thai origin. Not the film as such (it’s a pottering drivel of a story) but rather the movie’s star, Panom Yeerum, or ‘Tony Jaa’ to us Westerners.

Perhaps one of the most remarkable finds in the evolution of martial arts cinema, Jaa resembles Jackie Chan in his stunt work but with enough ferocity to make Steven Seagal look like a ballerina. Ong-Bak is all about full contact Muay Thai kickboxing and Jaa is so remarkable to watch he will literally leave you breathless. A chase scene through a Thai market sees Jaa scaling walls in a single leap, gliding underneath moving trucks and somersaulting his way through bustling traffic with split second accuracy.

If you think that’s something, just wait until he starts beating people up. His knees and elbows break cycle helmets. He can perform wildly acrobatic kicks that defy gravity, even when his legs are on fire. The final brawl sees a succession of stuntmen line up as cannon fodder for an exhilarating exhibition, exploiting the film’s unique selling point to such a degree that it will beat any kind of cynicism clean out of your brain.

The movie’s secret, and Tony Jaa’s, is the impressive lack of wires and gimmicks. A distinct lack of special effects is a rare thing in the modern era of instant kung fu heroes. Ong-Bak reverts the genre to its bare essentials and emphatically embraces talent over trickery.

Jaa also forces us to neglect a rather pitiful story line where he travels into the dark, gambling underworld of Thailand to recover the stolen head of his village’s sacred Buddhist statue. But in a movie this explicitly crowd-pleasing, trivial issues like plot and characterisation are a moot point.

This film kicks ass and should come with a band aid.

AKA: Daredevil; Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior; Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior; Thai Fist

Olympus Has Fallen

(2013, US, Millennium Films/Nu Image Films/West Coast Film Partners)

Dir. Antoine Fuqua; Pro. Gerard Butler, Ed Cathell II, Mark Gill, Alan Siegel; Scr. Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt; Action Dir. J.J. Perry; Cast Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Finley Jacobsen, Dylan McDermott, Rick Yune, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett, Melissa Leo.

120 min.

A North Korean contingent of rogue, highly militarised terrorists smash fighter jets into the Washington Monument and storm the White House, trapping the President (Eckhart) and most of his senior staff in the underground bunker to issue their demands. Led by young sadist Krang (Yune) – who for a hater of the west has an impeccable grasp of the English language – the terrorists demand interim Pres’ Morgan Freeman to remove US troops from the Korean demilitarised zone and threaten to detonate American nukes across the country.

So with the world going to shit, thank our lucky stars that ex-Secret Service one man army Mike Banning (Butler) managed to sneak into the hallowed halls, opening a communication line with the outside world (like in Die Hard), securing firearms to stylishly pick off some bad guys (like in Die Hard), and rescue the hostages (like in Die Hard). He’s even negotiating a tricky romance and hiding from a tarnished past. Like in Die Hard.

“He will move mountains or die trying,” says the head of the Secret Service, and even though Banning doesn’t actually move a mountain, by the end of this movie you would think it’s the sort of thing he does for breakfast. Absolutely nothing stops him, and the gratuitous crashes, bangs and wallops are all a foregone conclusion. Also, the film’s jingoism is nauseating and there’s not a single original idea in it. It is also full of its own self-importance despite being utterly disposable.