(1990, US/HK, New Line Cinema/Golden Harvest)
Dir. Steve Barron; Pro. David Chan Sek-hong, Kim Dawson, Simon Fields; Scr. Todd W. Langen, Bobby Herbeck; Action Dir. Pat Johnson; Cast Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, James Saito, Toshiro Obata, Josh Pais, Michelan Sisti, Leif Tilden, David Forman.
93 min.
A petty crimewave hits New York City. Troubled youths are pinching possessions as an offering to an evil master and his army of foot soldiers. Shredder (Saito) is the man behind it all. He’s a steel-plated cartoon nemesis whose only opposition, it seems, appears to be coming from beneath New York’s busy streets.
A group of adolescent, slang talking, pizza eating, human sized mutant turtles occupy the sewers, trained in the ways of ninjitsu, taught to them by their ageing sensei Splinter – a giant rat. The turtles take to the streets when Splinter is kidnapped and kick back in a carnival of slapstick tom foolery.
The film also includes a love/hate set up between TV reporter April (Hoag) and martial arts enthusiast Kacey (Koteas), but the subplot is rightfully marginialised in favour of a more childish, universal adventure. Jim Henson’s Creature Shop work their magic with the animatronics and the dubbed turtles retain a certain level of superficial attitude and charm, lacking in character what they more than compensate for in design.
Surprisingly, the result actually pays off, and the film is an endearing live action debut for the spunky comic book heroes. Cowabunga, dude.
More than just a fantastic title, this schizophrenic Godfrey Ho no-brainer features some fantastic fight scenes with speedy ninjas who explode and vanish into thin air. Add to this some equally relentless shagging and salacious nudity and we have one of Ho’s more enjoyable exploitation films, even if it does just feel like a load of random scenes edited together, which it is. Casanova Wong and his rampant girlfriend are targeted by hotshot ninja when they cross paths with boxing champ Michael Chan and his boss’ plan to secure the possession of a priceless necklace, or something.
Another lesson in retarded filmmaking from B movie tycoon Godfrey Ho who barely attempts to add any kind of logic to this cut and paste cash-in. The film accidentally features people like Dragon Lee and Richard Harrison only because of an ingenious editing job. In one part of the film, we have a victim of a rape exacting her revenge on the culprits with the help of her ex-husband, then on a separate tape we have Bruce Baron dressed up as a white ninja in the bustle of Hong Kong fighting red ninja Pierre Tremblay and his trio of underlings for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It kind of works, though, only to lose it at the end in a laughable summary of events which would have made more sense if it was recorded backwards. Underwater. In Greek. It’s completely awful, but strangely good at the same time.
Another patchwork hatchet job from Hong Kong cinema’s king of commerce Godfrey Ho, manufactured from old film stock and reedited into something resembling a dog’s dinner. Ho produced many films like this purely for financial gain during the golden age of overseas video distribution, using gweilo actors in practically redundant roles to dress up as colourful ninja and fill up the running time. Ho would duplicate footage in more than one film, re-dubbing and repackaging cheap titles for a kung fu hungry crowd. Using this technique, Ho could pump out as many as 15 movies a year, covering his tracks by using pseudonyms and alternative titles which make categorising his expansive back catalogue a particularly grueling task.
No Dudikoff this time around, his boots are uncomfortably filled by debuting ninja Bradley, whereas James seems to have pointlessly reappeared, albeit playing a less prominent role. The story sucks, so nothing new there. Biological research criminals seek master ninja Bradley to protect their bustling network of narcotics. Throw in a revenge sub-plot and some touch-us-and-we-die ninja and we’ve got a run of the mill sequel on our hands. Not nearly as good as the previous two and that’s really saying something.
On a distant Caribbean island, corrupt local enforcers are kidnapping newly transferred US marines and using them to create a cult of genetically modified super ninja, masterminded by a textbook millionaire villain moonlighting in the drug trade. It’s a good job the new recruits to the island are Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff) and Curtis Jackson (James), hard-hitting army boys with PhDs in Pain and becoming slightly used to this kind of thing. The whole affair is a charade: comic-book action which retains a certain charm and good nature despite its B movie faults. The returning duo work well: Dudikoff plays it straight and stern while James supplies the crucial comic relief.
GI Joe (Dudikoff) is the new boy on campus, a silent recruit fresh to the forces with an amnesiac mind and smart ninja skills. His fighting capabilities lead to respect from his buddies within the institute, and soon he is putting his skills to great use when corrupt generals and their hoards of ninja bodyguards collaborate on a racket to ship stolen weapons into South America. The normal rituals ensue: he gets it on with the general’s daughter and makes friends with macho buddy Jackson (James), and together they shoot, smash and stab their way to justice. But this is Dudikoff’s bag: baby-faced and charmless, the guy comes alive in a series of swift ninja battles and heroic punch-ups that almost make you forget just how shallow and ridiculous this whole affair is. Braindead violence rules, and continues in many sequels.
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